Coming out in the workplace

Coming out in the workplace can be daunting. This experience is different for everyone but it still remains a difficult task for many. However, this can certainly be made easier by the efforts of an organisations which prides itself on inclusion and supporting employees regardless of their background, sex or sexuality.

It’s important for all employees in the organisation to understand that coming out is never a once and done approach, it is a continuous ‘always on’ activity and it can be tiring. Because coming out is not an act, it’s a process or a continuum.

Coming out can continue to be a challenge for many, no matter how established you are in your career or despite your achievements. You can find yourself in a new situation or a new environment where you are coming out once again and you are uncomfortable, this can put you right back to being that awkward young man, wondering if you will fit in and be accepted.

Coming out can be very difficult for some or it can be a non-issue for others, it’s always important to reiterate the LGBT+ community is not a homogenous group and I can only speak of my experiences.

For me, coming out has been both, difficult and easy, depending on so many varied factors. When asked to write this piece I have been reflecting on when it has been easy, what made it easy? and when it has been difficult and why was it so?

We have all joined new organisations or went through the exciting yet dauting “forming, storming and norming’ stages on a new team. Yet not all of us have felt unsure or uncomfortable about whether our sexuality would be a barrier or issue in these situations. Therefore, we need organisations and colleagues to help us navigate these situations.

For me coming out has been easy when…

I have worked for an organisation who has proudly and loudly espoused their commitment to inclusion and diversity for the LGBT+ community. Have you ever scanned a website or an office place to look for visible clues that the organsiation supports LGBT+ community? For me, when I have seen such visible clues such as lanyards, badges or post-its, it has helped me to be myself.

It’s been easy for me when the organisation not only talks the talk about valuing inclusion but backs this commitment up with robust policies, promoted and understood by employees.

It’s been easy when an organisation weaves inclusion into the very fabric of their culture, through their deliberate messaging and company values. It’s also been easier for me when I was more content in my personal life or when I felt an overwhelming sense of societal support such as the Marriage Referendum in 2015. Importantly, coming out has been easier for me when my colleagues have made it so, using inclusive language and by not falling prey to the pesky schemas and stereotypes that our brain so often deploy.

Coming out has been difficult when….

For me, coming out has been difficult when I have witnessed disrespectful and harmful ‘banter’ in the workplace. Have you ever sat in a meeting or at a canteen table and hear someone you respect and admire make a homophobic remark? I have and its alienating and hurtful. Even if said in a non-confrontational or aggressive way it sent a clear and hurtful message that I did not belong.

It’s been difficult for me when I have found myself in an extremely heteronormative environment or an excessively masculine environment with little diversity to be seen. It’s been difficult for me to ‘other’ myself in those situations by coming out. In these scenarios in the past where I may have been less confident, I have been grateful for how the English language doesn’t require nouns, adjectives, verbs, and articles to be gender specific.

This isn’t as simple as staying quiet, it’s a deliberate effort to edit out details of my life that might result in me “othered” from the group and it was exhausting. When I found myself doing this, I felt like I wasn’t really in the room, like I was a watered-down version of myself who was unable to forge any real connection with people as I wasn’t being authentic.

So, what should organisations know?

We thankfully live in an age where many organisations have cottoned on to the fact that diversity leads to good business outcomes, and more importantly many organisations understand that inclusion is the key that unlocks these outcomes.

With that said, these days most evangelise about inclusion, with that hope that this inclusion leads to a sense of belonging. But organisations find it hard to understand the nuances of what comes with coming out in a workplace, how the process needs continuous support in order for an employee to feel like it’s psychologically safe to bring your whole self to work.

Know that there are prerequisites that must be met before a person will feel it’s psychologically safe to be out in the workplace. From the very outset employees are trying to understand the organisation climate, what are the efforts made by the company to encourage employees to be themselves in the workplace and where are the tangible proof points that an employee can point to that show that organisational promises are not just lip service. Is there an Employee Resource Group? Is there Diversity training? How are the company values shaping the climate?

Know that acceptance is a long way away from celebration. But the challenge is finding authentic ways to celebrate difference in an organisation. Don’t make the mistake of creating initiatives without employee voice from the minority group. This is a challenge that all companies are struggling with, an effective and engaged Employee Resource Group is the best conduit for this insight. Lean into your minority groups to devise impactful, wanted, and meaningful supports.

Know that it’s okay not to know everything, but get started, as Mark Twaine said, ‘The best way to get ahead is to get started’.

Show meaningful support to your LGBT+ colleagues, understand that to feel as if they are protecting themselves over 62% of graduates go back into the closet after starting a new job. This is because they fear coming out could damage their careers. Know that an employee is more likely to leave an organisation if they feel it is not inclusive or they stay but may not give as much as they would if they felt a sense of belonging and know that supporting the LGBT+ community is the right thing to do.

Unfortunately, homophobia is still very present in our workplaces and unfortunately there are many members of the LGBT+ community who feel excluded. So this pride month celebrate the LGBT+ community and know that it’s important and know why its important and celebrate with meaning.

Philip Kelly

ESB Employee Engagement

M.Sc. Organisational Behaviour